Flinchy and the Mexican Show Truck, Part 1

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A strange golf-related saga begins. featuring the dead-pan artistry of P. G. Holyfield of Murder at Avedon Hill EPISODE SCRIPT So, I’ve playing golf with PG Holyfield. A few rounds here and there, we even played in a tournament. It’s been great fun. PG – It’s okay. At least it’s hasn’t rained on us. And there’s a couple of things you might not know about P.G. Holyfield. 1) his first name isn’t really PG PG – That would be weird. It’s Patrick. And 2, he’s an excellent golfer PG – I’m okay. No really, his scores generally have names and everything. You know Par, Birdie — I’ve even seen him get an Eagle. PG — and double bogey. But still, they have names. The only name the number 9 has on a golf course is shame. PG — (little laugh) So the other day we set out with a friend of mine. And we’ll… PG — it was an adventure Yeah, it was… uh. PG — Yeah. The point is that we can’t sum it up in a single sentence. So we’re going to tell you the story. PG — And I’m going to make sure he tells you the truth. Truth? Nobody wants the truth. They want a good story. PG — Not for non-fiction. Okay, George Washington, take it away with the truthlesiosity parade. PG — What? You start. PG — So Patrick brings this friend of his along, can we say his real name. Let’s use a nickname. Let’s call him Finchy. PG — Flinchy? No, Finchy, like the bird. What. PG — It doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t have to, it’s a nickname. PG — but Nom du plume. Nom du guerre. Nom du histroie. PG — whatever. We’re playing golf and Patrick brings a friend. We play the first hole. And he seems to play okay. But when we get to the second hole — things fall apart a little. What are you talking about, you cranked one. Mr. “real deal” holyfield PG — I was talking about you. And your friend flinchy. Finchy, Finchy. But I will grant you he was kind of a scared little guy. Anyway my drive wasn’t that bad. I pounded one down the right side. PG — and then over the right side, into the woods. Oh, that. That’s not a problem. That’s merely an opportunity for glory. PG — Glory? Oh yeah, glory. And you see, if I had gotten it out of there and the windshield – it was so tinted, the only thing it reflected was the blackness of men’s souls. You see that? PG — No, I didn’t see any souls. No, the foreshadowing. That was foreshadowing. PG — Un-hunh. So I’d never seen this either. But then something really odd happened. Flinchy jumped into the cart and started screaming at Patrick, “Drive, drive.” and Patrick takes off. Well, what did I care. I mean that was between Finchy (empahsis) and the driver of the truck. I had a ball in play. In play for glory. PG — You were an idiot. Oh come on, how was I supposed to know what was going to happen? PG — Foreshadowing Ah, there’s really not any foreshadowing in real life. PG — tell them what happened next. What, I got a nine on the hole. PG — No, with the truck. I think we’re out of time. It will have to be the next episode. PG — cliffhangering bastard. It’s not my fault you talk so much. PG — me? MUSIC